Warning - Please Vote

I received this from a friend:

We had to have the garage door repaired.  The Sears repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor
on the opener.  I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest
one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  He shook his head and
said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."  I responded that 1/2 was
larger than 1/4.  He said, "NO, it's not.. Four is larger than two..."
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and  I
gave the clerk a $5 bill.  Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter.  She said, "You gave me too much money."  I said, "Yes I know,
but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back."  She sighed and
went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.  I did so,
and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot
do that kind of thing."  The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and
75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

I live in a semi rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER
CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by
cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore." - From Kingman, KS .

My sister-in-law came to visit for a few days and after taking a shower
that first evening, she calmly told me that our tub had a leak.  I=2
0question this and she says, "Go see for yourself, there's water all
over the floor." I check the tub only to find that she had the shower
curtain on the outside of the tub while showering . She's my husbands
sister and has blond hair.
 - From Westminster, CA

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the
person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'  He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg lettuce.
 - From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?"  To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?"  He smiled knowingly and nodded,  "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. 
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.  She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red.  Appalled, she responded, "What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

We were having a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, as she
was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.'  Our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun.  We should do this more often."  Not another
word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "It's open!"  His reply, "I know. I already
got that side.
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS.

When I left  Hawaii and was transferred to Florida, I still had the
Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii.  I was
parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove
from Hawaii to here?"  I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the
Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

STAY ALERT!  They walk among us. . . and they REPRODUCE. . .
And worst of all. . . . . . . . .. . . . .
They VOTE. . . .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for a good morning laugh. Enjoyed them and I have experienced a couple of them myself!

Betty Almond